As I was sitting in my car this morning in front of my office, giving myself my morning pep talk before I gather up enough courage to actually get out of my car and face yet another day of work, I was thinking about all the things I would rather be doing with my life. I feel like I am in sort of a rut. I'm not entirely sure, but I would compare this so-called rut to something somewhat of a writer's block for an author. I feel like I have written my story up to this point in my life and now, I don't know what else to write. I know a lot of my angst stems from Mike being out of town at work during the week, but I cannot deny that I feel like an entirely different person when he is away.
It sounds so melodramatic and I almost feel pathetic even writing this right now but I'm going to say it anyway because it feels good to finally get it off my chest. I feel like part of me is missing when he is gone. I feel like I am just going through the motions of another day, another week, until I finally get to Friday and the start of my weekend where I am a normal human being again. I owe it to London to keep it together during the week, so I do, but it doesn't mean that I don't feel like he is missing out too. It almost kills me when he points to Mike's picture during the week and shouts: "DAD" all down the hallway, looking for him. I try not to feel sorry for myself and I honestly don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I know that there are people out there that don't see their husbands/wives/kids for way longer than 4 days at a time (sometimes never again) and it really puts life in perspective for me. I guess in hindsight, this is a good thing for us, I really do appreciate the time we do get to spend with Mike and I would have to admit that two old adages are correct in this case: Absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder; however, hindsight is 20/20.
Again, sorry for the melodrama, it's Monday and I am in for another long week. I'm done with the angst now, I promise. I'm off to go stalk Robert Pattinson now to make my workday go by faster....if you don't know him , google him. LOL
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